I don’t know what it is about the second time round, maybe it’s the not knowing whether you can convince your Husband to having another baby (I definitely could!) or just because, you realise everything really does go so fast, just like everyone warns you- “Oh it goes so fast”. IT REALLY DOES.
Watching your Children grow & develop is, to me, the most rewarding & amazing thing to experience. I never feel so proud as I do, when I watch my babies succeed in something. Whether it’s learning a new skill, doing something out of their comfort zone or just watching them play. I always feel so proud.
Camilla is 6 months old now and so far she has;
◦ Mastered sitting up
◦ Mastered rolling
◦ Sleeping in her own room
◦ Weaned off the dummy
◦ Weaning journey has begun
◦ Two bottom front teeth are brewing
◦ Smiling & laughing
◦ Blowing raspberries
I feel like Adeline didn’t do this much this soon so I think it actually is going so much faster the second time round!
Truthfully, I’m an emotional wreck at the moment. Kinda why I’m writing this. It always helps, makes me feel better somehow. And I like to look back and remember. Every little detail. Even if it’s painful.
It’s been a rocky few weeks with a lot of changes. I’ll get to it now..
Breast is best bullshit.
Look, we know ultimately yes breast is scientifically- best. Hence why so many women (including myself) give it a go. Hell, more than give it ago. Some of us go through a really hard time with it, especially the sore cracked nipples and the endless night feeds.
And then we experience the judgement and of course the pressure. I mean the pressure starts from the get go doesn’t it.. when you see the Midwife. I know it’s their job but they love to throw the leaflets at you about breast feeding. The health visitors are worse, or maybe just in my experience. I always planned on breast feeding, right from the get go with both babes. That was my personal choice. I can imagine some people who choose not to feel the pressure or certainly judged by their decision.
So last week I decided to stop breast feeding. There’s lots of reasons why and I’ll soon come to it. I’ve been in a world of pain & discomfort over the past few days.
I’ve also been super anxious, felt poorly and emotional. No one ever tells you about how your body reacts to weaning from BF. I feel like it’s my bodies way of telling me ‘serves you right for stopping.’ I have never felt so tired and bleurghhhh. I did some research and so many so many women have felt the same. So it’s best I leave my hormones to it and try take it easy.
Come on ladies…
Its only just been breast feeding awareness week and I feel like so many women were bitching and complaining about each other. I felt guilty posting on Instagram about how proud I am of my experience, but then got backlash from Mums. What’s that about? Aren’t we all meant to be supporting each other? Through whatever journey we decide. Not judging & making each other feel like shit. I know it’s only a handful of people but it doesn’t matter if you get 10 nice comments and 1 crappy one, the crappy one will always stick.
I did see breast feeding mums being way too pushy, leaving formula fed mothers feeling shitty. And then I saw (and experienced) breast feeding mums being slated sharing their breast feeding experience. When really, no one knows anybody’s ; mind, body & baby. Why can we (women) be so foul to each other. Honestly! #BEKIND
My Bf Journey has flown & honestly, I’m tempted to give it all another go and pump, but then I remember Camilla isn’t satisfied after the boob, she will often have the breast then take 6oz of formula. I tried to feed her after weaning for two days (just incase she has really has had enough).. she had. I just wonder if there’s something more I could of done.
It got to the point where she wouldn’t BF in public & she wouldn’t even take expressed breast milk in a bottle from me AND she would feed for about 2 minutes & then cry. All in all it began to be challenging and upsetting for both. She (just like Adeline did) has done their 6 months and now want to be fuller.
We also hit leap 5 the same week and Camilla wanted to feed every hour on an evening which wasn’t good for anyone. I asked for advice and lots of people I spoke to said try putting her in her own room and that it may make a difference.
I didn’t even know if I was ready! She was however 6 months and the next to me cot was looking pretty snug for my leggy little babes.
I thought fuck it, I’ll do one night and if she doesn’t like it, I’ll suck it up. Well.. she only went and slept so much better feeding only twice! So that was it another Milestone thrown into the bag (this has all happened within a week) breast & bed move. Can you see now why I’ve been emotional. And still are! I wasn’t ready for it.
Then became the ultimate test and sacrifice. The dummies. Now the reason I introduced dummies was mainly because Camilla had reflux really badly as a newborn and it was the only thing (except the nipple) that would help. FYI I have nothing against them, Adeline always had one, right up until she was 2.5 years old. Camilla rejected dummies for weeks and it took me about 7 different kinds until I found one she would take (FYI Avent Philips)
So why did I get rid you ask? The second night of Camilla being downstairs in her own room, we had a night of doing the ‘dummy run.’
Now our house is on 3 floors , we are on the top the babes are on the second. Resulting in ol’ muggings over here going up down up down every 15-30 minutes. Just as I would fall asleep I’d be up again: it was a nightmare. So again, I turned to my fellow Instagram pals for advice: remove the dummy altogether. WHAT? NO WAY. FUCK THAT. All things I said aloud.
Well I was shitting myself obviously. But long and short of it; we are a week in and she’s done it. No more dummies! We went cold turkey (as they call it), we did a gentle approach where I would leave her crying for 3-5 minutes go in, hand on chest and shhh. I did that only a few times and she would settle. It just showed really that she wasn’t that attached. She was always spitting it out!
So that’s that. No more dummies, I even feel sad when I see one on the side. Like she isnt a baby more, even though she is!
And lastly my two little girlies are developing what is going to be a magical bond. Camilla constantly searches for Adeline. Her little face lights up when she sees her. Adeline first thing on a morning wants to go see her. After nursery she wants to sit and cuddle her and she’s always fetching her toys and making sure she’s ok. It’s amazing. It’s taken Adeline about 6 months to get used to the idea of her being here, part of the team, but finally she’s settled into her big sister role perfectly.
Making the most of it.
Some days can be really hard. We all know that. Some days I can’t wait for them to go to sleep so I can just chill, only to just spend my evenings either talking about them or editing pics or videos for them (not all the time obv).
What I’m getting at is. They are only young for such a short time. These milestones FLY by! Soon they may not want to cuddle you, they may not want you to pick them up, help them.
Make the most out of absolutely everything. Take all the pics, all the videos. You’ll treasure them forever. We (and Adeline) love looking back at all of our adventures. Enjoy time together. Our lives don’t always need to be so busy.
If lockdown has taught me anything it’s that you can have fun with your family anywhere. You don’t need to spend money or go to places. No need to put pressure on yourselves. We love weekends away and visiting places but some days or weekends we just want to play at home. As long as we have each other.
Thanks for reading as always.