To begin with..
Hello! It’s me… wow it’s been a LONG time and I bet I said the same introduction on my last blog post. Truth is, life’s been crazy, crazy busy, crazy fun, just crazy! There’s never any time to blog, but I feel since I won the Yorkshire Blogger 2021 award (JUST FYI- I bet I forgot to mention that) that I should continue, after all, If I won the award that surely that means people actually read this stuff? Anyway changes are coming for our little family, actually for a lot of families. I’m having a difficult week so I think it’s about time I wrote about it. But before I do- I’ll update you a little about what we have been so crazy busy with!
Camilla monster was born and she is now 18 months old. She is one whole load of crazy! She is a bundle of fun, mischief, love and beauty, all rolled into one. Camilla and Adeline have a love hate relationship (but mostly love), one minute they are cuddling, giggling & playing and the next Camilla is smacking Adeline and chasing after her with her fangs out, ready to sink her teeth into her- no joke. She may be small but my god she has a hot head. We aren’t worried, we think it’s hilarious and both my girls are very headstrong. I believe (although it can be a nightmare and I dread to know what the teen stage will be like- pray for us now) that it will stand them both in good stead being so strong willed, when they are at school and as grown ups etc. They’ll need it!
I decided to bite the bullet and start my own business. A Photography business. A Baby, Child, Family Photography business- Lottie Bone Photography. Say whaaaaat.
I was sick of going through life wondering, what if, will I be good enough at it, will I fail or will I be successful. Bottom line is, it doesn’t matter if any of those things happen anyway. At least I tried and most of all enjoyed it and had fun whilst trying. So here I am nearly a year on and I am loving it. Steady bookings with loyal regulars, new clients who I now think of as friends, old friends, new opportunities. So many gorgeous families, couples, babies and friends I’ve had the honour of capturing and I still pinch myself that people see me, trust me and believe in me.
It was about time I started to have some self belief. After all I’m 33 years of age and most importantly I want to be an example for my girls. Self- doubt is a little bitch and it has to STOP. I’ve never been a believer in myself. A lot of that comes with my experience at school. I said recently to Thom that school for me was a constant reminder of everything I wasn’t good at. So you can imagine 5 years of that and how that will effect your self esteem. Just look at me now!
Summer holidays. What a Summer hols it’s been. Probably THE BEST YET. Why? I’ve had the whole time with my two girls. Amazing holidays with my wonderful husband & team. So many memories, so many places, times I will never forget. Ever. Don’t get me wrong there’s been days where I’ve needed time out but it has been so fun to spend so much time together. We have all bonded and grown even closer. Especially the girls. I’ll miss it for sure.
Getting to the point..
So I can feel myself beginning to tear up already about the reason I’m writing this blog. The real reason. My baby girl. My first born. The one who made me who I am today and taught me everything, I’ll name just a few:-
- Unconditional love
- Never say never
- Time flies
- The simplest moments matter the most
- There’s no such thing as a perfect mum
- You aren’t alone
- Emotions are here to be felt
- Taking a break is ok
- Live in the moment
Adeline Is starting school. Like what.the.actual.hell. These past two weeks have been spent on days out, doing things she wants, lots of days with just the two of us. Sort of an end of Summer and her beginning at school next week celebrations.
All I want to do everyday is hold her and tell her how proud I am. I don’t want her to see how anxious & worried I am. I have to be the enthusiastic, excited Mama otherwise she will be scared about school. I had a conversation with Adeline the other day which melted my heart.. and it went like this.
Me- “Adeline, I know so many people keep asking you about school I bet you are getting sick of it”.
Adeline- ” Ha, Ye..”
Me- “So I know people keep asking you are you excited and you always answer the same (yes) but now it’s just you and me, how are you really feeling?”.
Adeline- I feel a little bit scared but mostly excited..”
I have never met somebody so wonderful in all my days. Truthfully.
Keeping it real…
Who reaaaallllyyy likes change? Anybody? I mean.. I hate change, in anything. Even as far as my favourite TV series ending and I have to start the next. The annoyance of having to get into something again- even though I love it after 5 minutes. It’s just the thought of it. Ridiculous I know.
That’s what is probably throwing me off at the moment though. Knowing that there is huge change coming and the soon to be- new norm. Which is- school, everyday, only seeing her in the morning & after school.
If I’m honest, it hasn’t even happened yet and already I am just struggling with the new norm. The idea of not having our days together and our special Fridays with Grandma Ju Ju. It is just mad. I’ll miss her. Camilla will certainly miss her. Even Bonnie lady (our beloved cocker). The house won’t be the same. So very… tidy. Oh and of course It will be quieter.
I know I’ll get used to it and I know I’m not the only parent in the world going through this. Maybe some of you are reading this now and feeling exactly the same. Or maybe you are reading it and remember your own experience. I’m sure a lot of us joke about looking forward to them starting etc etc, what a long Summer it’s been. But we all know deep down it will be a strange time. For us all. I take great comfort in knowing I’m not alone.
Let me also just say (to all the parents who don’t get to spend a lot of time with their children due to working full time) that I count my lucky stars everyday that I have even had the chance to work my work & life around the girls unlike so many others.
For that I am extremely grateful. But remember, even though I don’t work in an office everyday does not mean that being with my girls isn’t hard work. IT REALLY IS. And it isn’t even everyday! Those of you who have had this Summer off with your children will know that too. Hell, Thom even admitted work is often a break. It’s a different kind of ‘work’. Rewarding as hell but still really bloody hard. Anyway I have my wonderful Husband to thank for me being able to spend so much time with my team. Thanks boo!
So silver lining and all that. Whilst Adeline enjoys her new norm. I am going to use this time to focus on Camilla. I will give her the time Adeline had, join a class with her (which I never got to do!)
I will also focus on my business. Summer has been amazing but a lot of my time has been sucked up with pure joy & pleasure of the girls BUT subsequently my evenings have been used to do work, which then puts added pressure on me whether I like it or not! I should probably start running again as well and focus on my health & fitness. It was always so good for my mind & soul. Something that has been forgotten over Summer, what with all the fun we have been having!
Adeline Sophia you are going to thrive and love school I just know it. You are going to meet so many friends & learn so much. You are going to have so much fun- my clever little bean. Some days will be harder than others, frustrating perhaps. Some days will be scary, somedays you’ll fly. I cannot wait to see you grow into an even more amazing little girl than you already are. I really can’t. It may be strange at first, we will miss each other like crazy but soon enough you won’t look back. Only forward. Our weekends will be precious and our time together too. And just like our (current) favourite Disney princess says:-
I will ride, I will fly
Chase the wind and touch the sky
I will fly
Chase the wind and touch the sky
I hope in reading this you can relate and feel some comfort that perhaps you aren’t the only one having a midlife crisis over your first born, second, third.. beginning their first chapter into school. Wish me good luck! And good luck to those as well who may be going through something similar. I think we will all be hugging our babies extra tight the night before they start. I know I will.
If you want to follow my journey of motherhood with my team then please follow me on Instagram @the.yorkshire.mummy
And if you live in Yorkshire and want a photographer holla’ at me! http://www.lottiebonephotography.com