My fingers are itching to get down everything in my mind down on this blog because I have literally just had an epiphany! It’s January 1st 2020 and I’ve had an epiphany. I don’t think I’ve ever had one quite like this.. ready for it– I don’t live in the now.
So I’ve felt pretty rattled all day. I know why, it happens every year after Christmas! My favourite time of year has come to an end. The special moments are coming to an end. The Christmas bubble filled of things to look forward to is about to burst. My husband could tell I wasn’t feeling myself and what is more annoying is – I know I don’t but I honestly don’t know how to stop the anxiety, the dread, the agitation.
I then remembered my ‘Happy’ book by Fearn Cotton that Thom got me for Christmas. So as Thom was getting Adeline ready for bedtime I thought I’d steal half an hour to myself and run a bath and read a few chapters (and try have a word with myself- something I do regularly) and within 30 mins the epiphany began. I’ll explain what the chapter was about and how it’s resonated with me and my future plan! I’m excited – I’m not gonna’ lie. I’m sat here feeling a huge relief all thanks to Fearn bloody Cotton.
Living in the Now.
In her chapter about ‘living in the now’ she explains about you not living in the moment and worrying about the moments expiry date and how that can basically spoil the moment itself. Which instantly I was like ‘holy shit I’m doing that right now’ i’m quite literally counting down the dates until Thom is back to work and our everyday life routine is back to the norm. She then explains that you need to basically take comfort that the moment will expire like the cycle of day into night because that’s where change begins and something new is born. This thought she suggests somehow takes the pressure off and let’s her relax in the knowledge that things change and bad times pass.
The thing is mine’s more about accepting the same with the good times! I have trouble letting go of magical moments (for example right now Christmas time), it isn’t just about ‘Christmas’ that would be ridiculous and super sad. I mean I love Christmas but it isn’t just Christmas it’s more what comes with it; the build up of the event, the plans put in place, the constant comfort of Christmas music, the atmosphere and most of all family time! I want to hold on to these moments and keep them captive forever! So in doing this when I’m in that moment I’m already worrying about it ending and getting worked up and anxious.. I know, crazy right.. anyway Fearn nails it on the head again by saying she does the exact same thing and her advice is that she likes to think of those moments as snippets of perfume. ‘It’s a delicious and intoxicating smell that fades gradually until you can’t detect its delicious notes at all’. And that’s why the good times are so special – it’s because they have an expiry date! They can’t last forever and they remain dream like because they come to an end. So cutting a long story short on that one, Fearn says I need to have faith that more of these ‘divine love bubbles’ will float into my life again. And she’s right! I do! I just need to do my best to try and ‘live in the now.’
The same goes with her next chapter about rushing ahead all the time and not enjoying the moment. We constantly speed through life wishing time and moments away or wasting time worrying about another moment whilst experiencing another moment or actually worrying about that moment ending- which I’m so guilty for doing. I’ve done it tonight. I need to just slow down on my own experience and savour the moment I’m in!
I sometimes feel like I’m crazy, I honestly do, and that I must be the only person on earth to have these silly patterns in my mind which is so frustrating. But after reading this book I’m clearly not alone. I feel relief… and I needed to get it down on paper (or should I say computer) so that I can release this new epiphany and it will be a constant reminder for me and maybe even help someone who has the same confusing thought process as me.
Your mind is a crazy, clever evil genius and it’s about making sure these patterns that you have developed whatever they may be don’t swallow you up.
Life unfolds in the present. But so often, we let the present slip away, allowing time to rush past unobserved and unseized, and squandering the precious seconds of our lives as we worry about the future and dwell about what’s past. We’re always doing something, and we allow little time to practice stillness and calm. When we’re at work, we fantasise about being on holiday, on holiday, we worry about the work piling up on our desks or in my case planning to do! We dwell on intrusive memories of the past or fret about what may or may not happen in the future. We don’t appreciate the living present because our minds are like monkeys they vault from thought to thought like monkeys swinging from tree to tree.
So here’s to less monkey mind and more mindfulness…
#fearncotton #happyplace #anxiety