Well I did it…as mentioned in my previous blog post I was last writing/panicking about leaving Adeline for a long weekend. But I did it, I left baby A for 3 days which actually felt like so much longer! I missed her so much, every part of me ached for her.
I never thought it would hit me as bad as it did. I mean to the extent of having anxiety which gave me such a dippy belly. Now I didn’t have a dippy belly because I didn’t think she was ok, I had it because I felt like something was missing, like a part of me! It was such a strange feeling.. but then she has been with me 24-7 for 15months, so I guess I’m bound to react. Everyone just reacts differently I guess.
The Lead Up
I got all my tears out in the week- I was then ready to relax and give my bestie the best Hen Do weekend ever (which I think I succeeded in still). I didn’t even cry saying bye to Adeline which was pretty good for me! From the moment I said bye to baby A and Thom all my friends and new friends had my back. Always asking me if I was ok and it meant a lot, nice to know you’re surrounded by wonderful people for the weekend.
Off I go!
It was a busy busy weekend with lots to do to distract my mind, but those leaky, huge, engorged boobs were a constant reminder. Another perk of breastfeeding… NOT! I took my pump and did try to pump every 3 hours (which is usually how often I feed Adeline). What an absolute BALL ACHE. Just when you start to enjoy yourself then you go and sit on your own and pump and think about your baby. It was hard!
At one point I found myself alone crying, then a few of the besties came and spotted me looking like a sado. We talked it out and I explained that even though I’m trying to let go, enjoy myself and be ME and just me for a change.. I couldn’t. How can you when you still have to pump and dump every 3 hours (oh the waste of milk!) Plus having to get up in the middle of the night and do it was annoying and kinda lonely.
Bedtime was the worst, oh my god I couldn’t cope with the silent room without Ollie the owl making white noise, without Adeline’s breathing. It was crazy! I thought I’d really appreciate a good night sleep but I sleep better with her beside me waking me up for feeds!
Adeline was an absolute dream for Thom which was a HUGE relief! She is now a bottle pro and seems to be able to go to sleep for anyone! Although at night time she still prefers Mummy.. which I don’t mind!
Saturday I actually felt much better and relaxed more. Maybe it was because I knew I was seeing her so soon but still. The pumping privately became walking around the house or sat having a convo with a friend whilst pumping. Do you know what I say… if you can pump in front of a friend.. they’re a true friend!
Quick shout out to ALL the babes on the Hen Do for checking I was ok, being non judgemental and supportive throughout- I love ya.
I did have an amazing weekend for my besties Hen Do and would do it all over again just to see her smily face enjoying herself. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time that’s for sure , oh and danced! How I missed dancing in a club!
So when I returned to my precious perfect little family Adeline gave me the biggest smile ever then pretty much went to bed as I was home late. It was a nice feeling to be home and see what the team had been up to. I was so unbelievably proud of my husband. Just those 3 days alone without me you can see how much their relationship had blossomed, it’s beautiful and I’ve fallen even more in love with him which I never thought would be possible!
I knew he could handle it but when I’m like.. you tired? Any melt downs ? And he’s cool calm and collected.. I’m not going to lie I was a bit annoyed! Thom asked if I was ok and I said honestly (because we always speak truthfully), that I just wanted him to feel like he needed me, but it seemed neither of them did! I was an emotional wreck. I mean I was home with my beautiful family and I was ecstatic but I felt so left out, like they had formed their own little team that I wasn’t part of. I even felt like Adeline wasn’t bothered. Obviously my drama queen was coming out! Anyone else felt similar? I can now only imagine how Thom felt in the early stages when he felt rejected by Adeline. It hurts like a bitch.
Well I’ve been home 5 days now and the team is back to a healthy 3 which it will remain this way.. for a very long time!